parksville 💜🌲💛

music/artwork by kaitwillows

october 1st, 2025

what's it about those times that
i just can't get enough of?
when i didn't know "how to dress as human,"
comfort finds a broken heart.
and you found it,
in the spaces between your scars.
"the dreams you wove in me,"
i lived to see them through.
but now, i miss it--

a shattered soul with no hope.
between the warm air night drives and cold lies
"silver records" filled my heart.
the yearning for a different life i never thought was possible,
but now i see it so clearly.
just please, can you let me know...
aa
mm, mm, mm, mm, mm
what's it like to live like
to live like a
mm, mm, mm, mmm, mm
like your world's complete
mm, mm, mm, mm, mm
what's it like to live like
to live like a
mm, mm, mm, mmm, mm
like a soul with no dream!

okk, so the premise is i went on a family trip one time to parksville, bc. it was in january 2022, almost exactly a year after i “came out to myself” as trans.

for probably a number of reasons, the memory of this trip and the emotions tied to it stayed stuck in my brain.

first to mind is “how to dress as human.” specifically it was this repost with the thumbnail of the sleepy puppy in the pink sheets and the sparkles and shit, that i found while scrolling youtube on my phone underneith the covers of the pullout couch i slept on.

(ok at risk of going off on a tangent, before i started estrogen, i struggled to sleep almost every night, and for whatever reason, i had the absolute best sleeps of my life on that pullout couch holy fuck it was good.)

ok anyway, really connected with that song. the way she sung about dysphoria felt so virbaitm to my own experience, and i felt comforted.

“silver records” is in reference to the first night i think i got there? i was listening to a.g. cook’s 7g album (hence “silver record(s)) in the back of this nice rental car at night. well, i mean, it was night, in january, but it was warm. idk as a calgary citizen it was so nice to not be cold in january, at night no less. plus like, night drives are amazing, especially when you’re not the one driving.

eh idk some theme of this song is remembering what it’s like to be an egg, having so much hope about being able to transition, but also being so unfamiliar with what it would actually be like to be a girl.

i imagine having a conversation with my past self. in a way, i want to go back and experience that hope, and unfamiliarity, and those new notions of life. UAGH i’m getting tired lmao imma sleep 😴😴😴

oh yeah also “the dreams you wove in me” is a reference to “harper” by vylet pony. it’s an absolutelty beautiful song go listen rn u have to.